(n.) an overwhelming urge to run away
Lately, I've been experiencing a strange feeling. Restless. Craving more. Dreaming big. I don't want to say that I've felt discontented, because it's not that. I just want more.
What's exciting, or scary, depending on how you look at it, is that this feeling isn't unfamiliar to me. It's exactly how I felt in the year before moving to London. I was desperately searching for something more. I wasn't feeling fulfilled by my job, and was seriously needing to broaden my horizons beyond Melbourne - the one city I'd inhabited in my whole life, not to mention, in the one house. It was time to go.
Now here I am again, 3 years later, feeling this urge again. This pull to just pack up my life into a suitcase, close my eyes and point to a map, and venture to wherever my finger lands. This urge to follow the one thing in my life that enthuses and impassions me the most, the desire to be completely spontaneous everyday, being freed from responsibility, and being dictated by no deadlines or boundaries. Which my rational side knows is somewhat irrational - at this stage, at least.
I was explaining how I'm feeling to a friend recently. Her comment surprised me.
"Wow, you must be such a free spirit, Anna".
I didn't quite no how to respond. The old Anna, the Anna who needed to know plans a week in advance, the Anna who would panic if plans were changed last minute, and the Anna who couldn't do anything on her own, certainly is the polar opposite of the Anna that exists today. But a free spirit?
Don't get me wrong, I love my life in London. There is an abundance of exciting things to do and see. The weather constantly keeps you on your toes. Every now and then, you even bump into a celeb. Europe is at your doorstep.
It's just that I still want more. More time. More travel. More freedom. More excitement. Not in a greedy sense in the least. I just want to be doing more of what inspires me, and less of what society "expects" of me.